


Meat Your Idols (Be Disappointed!)

by serpentineshadows



Series: One Piece YouTuber AU [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Alternate Universe - YouTube, Developing Friendships, First Meetings, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Luffy Being Luffy, Meet-Cute, Nami deserves all the nice things, POV Usopp (One Piece), Platonic Relationships, Roronoa Zoro and Vinsmoke Sanji Bickering, Usopp too, YouTuber Monkey D. Luffy, a small taste of, except it's friendship & somewhat violent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25218247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serpentineshadows/pseuds/serpentineshadows
Summary: Honestly, Usopp thinks that their first meeting with Sanji, of Baratie YouTube fame, could've gone better. But really, given Luffy and Zoro, Usopp feels like it could've gone way worse.Or: Luffy, Zoro, Nami, and Usopp are about to meet the people behind the Baratie YouTube channel. Usopp is both optimistic and pessimistic.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy & Nami & Roronoa Zoro, Monkey D. Luffy & Nami & Roronoa Zoro & Usopp & Vinsmoke Sanji, Monkey D. Luffy & Vinsmoke Sanji, Mugiwara Kaizoku ︳Strawhat Pirates & Usopp, Nami & Vinsmoke Sanji
Series: One Piece YouTuber AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807930
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Meat Your Idols (Be Disappointed!)

**Author's Note:**

> i recommend turning workskins on, or the ending might look like a hot mess
> 
> this is part 2 of a series, and i dont think you need to read the 1st part to understand this one, but if you end up liking it, why not read the 1st part??

The most recent video posted on Strawhat Luffy’s channel is titled “our first meeting with…??”, complete with an eye-catching thumbnail of Luffy wrapping his arm around a blurred-out figure that is distinctly recognizable as Sanji. Although it was posted a week ago, it has already garnered almost 1 million views: possibly the best the Strawhat channel has done for a standard, non-viral video.

It starts out with Usopp, waving at the camera. “Hey, guys! Usopp here, so this is one of the videos you guys requested a _lot,_ and we made it happen about a week ago. But…” Usopp laughs, rubbing the back of his head, and not really making eye contact with the viewer. “We actually didn’t get a lot of good footage, so it took a while to decide how we were gonna structure the video. Luffy wanted to post it as-is, and Zoro didn’t really care, but you guys know how Nami is. Actually, I kinda agree with her…the whole thing was a mess—more than usual, I mean!”

“Anyway!” Usopp cuts himself off, with a decisive clap of his own hands. “This is the story of how we met Sanji. Some of you guys might know him from the popular YouTube channel Baratie, and ha, well, he’s shown up in a couple of our videos because like I said, it’s been a while since this happened. And since we didn’t really get good footage, you guys’ll be in for a treat: more narration from the great Usopp-sama!” Usopp’s laugh is cut off by Strawhat Luffy’s standard intro music.

* * *

Usopp isn’t exactly scared to meet the guys from the Baratie, but well, they’re intimidating guys. Although they’re popular on YouTube, it’s definitely not because of their pleasant personalities; Usopp binge-watched their videos with Chopper and Luffy, who was salivating the whole time, and from that research, he’s gathered that they’re 1) highly skilled with knives (like Zoro is with swords) and 2) aggressive (also like Zoro). One of them, Patty, is also pretty buff (like Zoro), and the owner has a _wooden leg_ (not like Zoro). Overall assessment: do not approach alone, even when bribed with good food.

So, Usopp’s pretty convinced that this will be like meeting multiple Zoros, which is an ominous thought to have. The first time Usopp met Zoro, he was _not_ scared out of his pants; he was just…intimidated because you know, the muscles and the _swords._ Luffy and his everything did not help. Nami was intimidating in a whole different way from those two. Luckily, they’re all on his side for this meeting, and! This is a totally peaceful situation, nothing at all like the chaotic way in which Luffy, Zoro, and Nami crashed into Usopp’s life. So, Usopp’s fairly optimistic as well.

At least until Zoro starts breaking off from their group, getting lost almost immediately (which, Usopp has learned and only recently stopped trying to understand, is the standard way Zoro lives his life). Nami’s the one that pulls Zoro back on track, with much grumbling from Zoro until Luffy shuts up their argument. Luffy’s good at that without even trying, the kind of natural leader Usopp pretends to be.

One almost-car accident (thanks to Luffy) and far too many detours (thanks to Zoro) later, they arrive safely at the predetermined location—a somewhat upscale restaurant all of them except maybe Nami are totally underdressed for, damn it, Luffy! They’re also, thankfully, on time (thanks to Nami). Nami, as the only sensible and fearless one among them, gets them seated at an appropriately large table without any issues.

Usopp is too nervous to order anything because it feels like all the rich couples around them are totally glaring and judging, but the rest of them have no such concerns. Luffy tries to order everything on the menu, and the only reason he doesn’t is because he has Nami as “impulse control,” while Zoro gruffly orders a beer (“like a boor,” Usopp can almost hear Sanji from the Baratie channel saying this…probably a sign that he’s watched too many of their videos). Nami, once she’s gotten Luffy under control, orders the most expensive item on the menu. With the sweetest, fakest smile Usopp has ever had the displeasure of seeing in his life, she turns to Zoro. “Because you’re paying, right?”

A fight almost breaks out because Zoro has no money, and Nami _knows_ that; she’s the one who handles the Strawhat channel’s finances, after all! As Nami threatens Zoro and Zoro threatens her right back, they start to attract attention from all the customers around them and the wait staff. Usopp can already envision them being kicked out of the establishment—something that’s happened way too often in the short time he’s known these crazy, crazy people—and the apologies they’ll have to make to the Baratie. “So sorry for the trouble,” he’ll say to them, and they’ll never want to talk to the Strawhats again, and for good reason! Then, of course, Usopp and Nami will have to haul Luffy and Zoro over to Dr. Hiriluk’s place, and Chopper will give them his patented disappointed face: the one that only Luffy is immune to because Luffy’s heart is swayed by food, adventure, and friends in danger— 

“Usopppp,” Luffy whines, stretching across Nami to poke him in the cheek. “You’re shaking!”

Usopp looks down at his hands, and it’s true. He’s managed to keep his trembling to a bare minimum, but it’s still noticeable when you know what to look for.

“What? You scared?” Zoro asks, as he lazily reclines in his seat. It sounds unbearably judgemental even though Usopp knows—or, at least, he’s fairly confident—that Zoro is _not_ judging.

“Shishishi, there’s nothing to be scared of,” Luffy declares, trademark grin in place. Way too loud, and therefore attracting even more attention, Luffy says, “I can beat them all up!”

Usopp knows Luffy is trying to be helpful, but he can also just taste what’s about to happen in the next hour or so: they are going to be kicked out of the restaurant for disorderly conduct. In the calm before the inevitable storm, Usopp just thanks God, or whoever is out there listening, that this time, it’s not a place he regularly goes to.

When Usopp opens his eyes, there is a buff man with a shaved head and interesting choice in facial hair. Ah…Patty, one of the more well-known members of the Baratie, which means the people they’re meeting up with, _the people Luffy just threatened to beat up,_ have arrived. Usopp curses his precognitive abilities for being so accurate and brilliant. “Who, exactly, are you gonna beat up?”

Another member of the Baratie channel pops up from behind Patty, cracking his knuckles threateningly. Like the two-bit villains from the stories Usopp liked to tell Kaya.

Usopp feels like he’s witnessing one of those iconic “photos taken before a disaster” as Nami tries to slap a hand over Luffy’s mouth. Luffy laughs when he says, “You guys!”

There’s a moment of silence where Usopp swears his soul leaves his body, an occurrence that is becoming awfully common the more he hangs out with Luffy, Nami, and Zoro. (Usopp is hoping this will grant him immunity to the insanity at some point, like eating dirt as a child to toughen up your stomach or something.)

Then, both Patty and the other one, Carne, burst into laughter—full-bodied and disruptive. Usopp has to revise his earlier thoughts: this is like meeting Luffy all over again, not a bunch of Zoros. First of all, everyone around them is staring; and second of all, their response is not at all what Usopp expected. Luffy, meanwhile, is still laughing while both Zoro and Nami look bored (see, they’re immune to insanity!). They plop down next to Zoro, thank God.

“The squirt’s over there; he’s the one who wanted to ‘collab’ with you guys,” Carne explains, waving vaguely to where a well-dressed young man is flirting with one of the customers—the one table out of the ones around them that is _not_ staring at them. The man seems to sense their staring because he looks up and abandons the date he was crashing to run over to their table.

He holds out his hand to only Nami, bowing slightly, and gushes: “You must be the lovely Nami-swan! You’re much more stunning in person, it’s lovely to meet you.” Both Patty and Carne scoff, but the man ignores them brilliantly.

Usopp examines the guy’s swirly eyebrows and goofy, lovestruck grin and decides that this must be Sanji: Baratie’s resident heartthrob. Zoro’s already-unpleasant expression somehow becomes more unpleasant, and Luffy smacks Nami’s hand out of the way to shake Sanji’s. Sanji’s smile instantly drops as Luffy says his customary greeting: “I’m Luffy, and I’m gonna be the King of YouTubers!”

Once again, Usopp swears that his heart is going to burst out of his chest as Nami smacks Luffy’s hand out of the way and proceeds to shake Sanji’s. “It’s lovely to meet you, too, Sanji-kun,” she says, her smile sickly sweet, but Sanji instantly lights up anyway. (Thank God for Nami.)

“Anyway,” Luffy butts in, and Usopp is fascinated by how quickly Sanji’s expression can change, “now that you guys are here, we can start filming!” Luffy snatches the camera out of Nami’s bag and lifts it, like he’s presenting a gift to the gods. That prompts a swift punch from Nami because one of the waitresses, who’s been hovering around their table the entire time, finally approaches them.

“I’m sorry, but there’s no filming allowed in this establishment,” she says, pointing to a sign that does, indeed, say there are no cameras allowed. (“What did I tell you, Luffy,” Nami whispers, but she’s loud in her anger, and it’s so silent—because everyone’s _watching them_ like they’re a soap opera—that everyone can hear her anyway.)

“Aww,” Luffy whines. He actually seems to deflate, like a balloon. “But I wanted to film our first meeting! We didn’t get to do that with Usopp.”

“You were the one who chose this place! And I told you earlier they didn’t allow cameras!”

Usopp’s eyes bounce back and forth between the two, like he’s watching a ping pong match. He’s pretty sure that almost everyone else is doing the same.

Luffy’s still pouting. “I wasn’t listening!”

Nami looks like she’s ready to murder someone when Carne interrupts before Sanji can come to her defense: “If you want to film so bad, why don’t we go someplace else?”

“Yeah,” Patty pipes up. “Why’d we come here anyway when we could’ve just met at the Baratie?”

Luffy perks up again. “Oooh, let’s go to the Baratie then!”

It looks like everyone’s in agreement, including the other customers and the poor waitress still standing in front of their table, when Zoro asks, “What about my beer?”

“Wait a minute,” Sanji says. He’s glaring, and it looks like all of his ire’s channeled at Zoro now. “You guys already ordered?”

“Yes, they did,” the waitress interjects.

“And the food’s already being prepared?” Sanji continues with his interrogation, but his demeanor’s much more gentle when directed at the waitress. Wow, he switches moods _fast._

The waitress nods, and Sanji whips around to glare at Zoro, Luffy, and then Usopp. It’s _terrifying,_ and Usopp finds himself wondering why everyone around him can be so casually threatening. “Then, we’re not leaving,” and he says it so confidently that Usopp wants to nod along, even though what he really wants is to be out of this restaurant.

“Why not?” Luffy whines, and Usopp’s sixth sense is telling him: this is it. This is why they’re going to get kicked out.

“Because we’re not wasting food.”

Sanji’s tone is absolute, but Luffy is the king of not reading the room and continues to push the issue. “How’s leaving gonna waste food?”

“They’re already preparing it! If we leave, then they’ll have to dump it all out.”

“Hmm.” That’s Luffy’s thinking posture, where his shoulders are all hunched and his face is all scrunched up. “I guess,” he concedes, “but what’s so wrong with that?”

Sanji must have enough with trying to calmly explain to Luffy (which, honestly, Usopp can sort-of understand) because he kicks Luffy in the face, which _ow,_ results in Usopp as collateral damage (this, Usopp cannot understand). Of course, this spurs Zoro into action, who gleefully punches Sanji in revenge. Nami somehow gets out unscathed as Patty and Carne join in, and Usopp luckily crawls to safety with her.

They get kicked out.

(In the video, as he narrates, Usopp can’t help embellishing the incident a little. Just a little white lie about how Sanji kicked Luffy so hard, it left a Luffy-shaped hole in the wall. It’s not a _complete_ lie—they did leave some property damage, as they are wont to do, and honestly, at this point, property damage is like the Strawhat channel’s calling card, so it’s not too hard to believe. It’s not like their viewers are the type of people to visit swanky restaurants anyway, so Usopp’s not too concerned about getting called out.)

They end up back at the Baratie, where the owner Zeff eyes their sorry, beat-up appearances critically. Usopp’s not quite sure why they followed the Baratie crew all the way here, but he has this gut feeling he sorely hopes is wrong: Sanji is going to be their friend. Usopp has nothing against Sanji, really (other than the fact that he’s probably a little insane, which honestly makes him fit right in), and he totally gets why Sanji is the most popular personality on the Baratie channel. He’s handsome even when he’s all beat up, and he and Zoro are still at each other’s throats. It’s just…Usopp’s eye is swelling shut where Luffy’s rock-solid head bumped into it, so he feels like a little bit of ill will towards Sanji is justified. (Zoro’s aggression, however, is definitely unwarranted.)

Patty and Carne immediately head back into the kitchen to help out. (“We were only there to babysit Sanji,” is their explanation, which…given what just happened is both valid and also not because they didn’t put out the fire, they doused a whole bunch of gasoline on it!) Sanji tries to do so as well, but Zeff kicks him back out with a firm “you’re not needed here, eggplant!”

So, Sanji’s seated at a table with them, and it’s _awkward,_ especially since Sanji appears too keyed up to even flirt with Nami, Zoro’s still doing his macho posturing, and Luffy’s collapsed onto the table like a puddle of goo because he’s hungry.

“So, Sanji-kun,” Nami says, apparently not feeling the awkwardness at all. “This is on the house, isn’t it?”

“Of course, Nami-swan!” Sanji swoons. Okay, so he is _not_ too keyed up to flirt with Nami. “But only for you.” He throws in a glare at Zoro and Luffy.

“And why is that,” Zoro straight-up growls, and Usopp _knows_ another argument is about to start, so he intervenes before Sanji can say anything: “Guys, let’s _not_ fight. Luffy, you want good footage, right?”

Sanji’s sharp glare switches to Usopp, and for the millionth time that night, Usopp feels his heart jump out of his throat.

“Usopp’s right,” Nami says. “Let’s just eat in peace for once. Got it?” She succeeds in being a thousand times more threatening than Usopp, but also Sanji seems to have the biggest soft spot for Nami, so that actually manages to stop the fight before it can occur. “Great!” Nami continues, once she’s gotten a reluctant agreement from Zoro, too. “Sanji-kun, can you tell them to get us one of everything on the menu, plus a beer?”

“I-is that all for you, Nami-swan?”

“Yep,” Nami confirms, shamelessly, with an evil, evil grin.

“Yay, Nami!” Luffy cheers before Sanji even leaves, but Sanji doesn’t turn back around to question them at all. Nami’s just that powerful.

“You all owe me now,” she says, and Luffy completely ignores her because the prospect of food is more important to him, obviously, and Zoro is still preoccupied by his irrational hatred of Sanji. Usopp, meanwhile, has accepted that they will probably forever be indebted to Nami, so this is nothing new.

The service is _quick_ because Luffy doesn’t even have time to complain, or get distracted and rope Zoro into _more_ mischief that will inevitably get them kicked out and possibly banned, before Sanji arrives with five dishes.

Luffy digs in, immediately, before Sanji can even finish setting them all down, but Sanji doesn’t even complain. Usopp and Nami do, however, because hey, they’re hungry, too! It turns into a game of how valiantly Usopp and Nami can defend their food from Luffy, and also how fast can the kitchen churn out food before Luffy gobbles it all down. Zoro doesn’t even bother to defend his food from Luffy, but it’s so _unfair_ because Luffy doesn’t even want to steal from him anyway, and Nami slaps Luffy one too many times for Luffy to blatantly target her plate anymore, so all in all, it’s like a regular dinner for the four of them. Usopp ends up guarding his plate ferociously while Luffy launches attack after attack, with the occasional sneaky steal from Nami’s plate, all while Zoro gets to eat peacefully. (Usopp doesn’t dare to steal from Zoro at this point in their friendship, but in the future, he will learn to…for the sake of his stomach.)

The difference is Sanji, who’s been bringing out dish after dish for them for the past half hour until Usopp’s pretty sure he’s seeing repeat dishes, and Luffy finally latches onto Sanji’s arm as he marches back to the kitchen, his arm stretching and stretching. Luckily, their table with its stack of empty plates does _not_ go flying because Luffy grabs onto Sanji with his other arm and pulls Sanji to their table.

“Come eat with us, Sanji! This is the best food I’ve _ever_ had,” Luffy gushes, and Sanji appears to be grumbly and reluctant (but less than he was earlier, Usopp notices). He caves in, though, when Nami urges him to sit down, but pointedly sits the furthest away from Zoro. (Usopp’s pretty sure that Zoro’s drunk enough to not care at this point.)

Sanji is surprisingly pleasant when he’s not being antagonized by Luffy and Zoro, or flirting with Nami, and Usopp’s even more impressed to learn that Sanji was cooking their dishes for them all by himself. Usopp’s specialty is fish and chips, and maybe basic seafood, which is nowhere near the range and sophistication of Sanji’s repertoire.

“Glad you enjoyed my food,” Sanji says, a proud smile on his face, as he’s inspecting the empty plates on their table. (All of them have been licked clean by none other than Luffy himself.) 

There’s something admirable about Sanji and his relationship with food, Usopp muses to himself, as the rest of them are bickering about what kind of video to film together. Luffy was in the wrong earlier, as he sometimes is because he’s so stubborn, but Sanji definitely escalated the whole thing by kicking Luffy—wrong deeds for the right reasons. Luffy probably could’ve eaten all the food they ordered himself, with room for more, if they didn’t get kicked out.

“So that’s settled then!” Nami claps, cutting through Usopp’s thoughts. “Usopp, our next video is going to be you, learning how to cook from Sanji, okay?”

"Wait, _what?_ _"_

* * *

“And that’s the story of how we got to collab with Sanji from the Baratie!” Usopp concludes. “Sorry, again, there’s not a lot of footage, but I swear everything I said happened.” Usopp's smile positively screams “trust me!” “The restaurant didn’t allow filming, but I’m sure you guys can imagine what happened for yourselves—you’ve seen our past videos, and if you haven’t, you should!

“Anyway, thanks for watching today’s installment of ‘Luffy and friends go on crazy adventures’—be sure to like and subscribe for more in the future!”

The end card starts playing, with copyright-free music in the background, showing links to the Strawhat channel’s previous video titled “Forcing Sanji and Zoro to Get Along” as well as a video from the Baratie channel titled “Usopp from the Strawhats Learns To Cook.”

**our first meeting with…??**  
919,816 views • Mar 3, 2020 100 77K

**Strawhat Luffy**   
1.1M subscribers

welcome to the story of how we first met Sanji (from the Baratie channel!), as narrated by Usopp! (we swear he’s not lying lol)

links to our socials below!

SHOW MORE

4,132 Comments

Pinned by Strawhat Luffy  
**shinichi** 1 week ago  
honestly i feel like usopp’s straight up lying sometimes, especially when nami doesn’t provide the video receipts, but 17:04 where he talks about the luffy-hole left in the restaurant?? can confirm that actually happened, because i WORK there?? Are you perhaps suggesting?? that he wasn’t lying in previous videos either??  
11k\--REPLY

Hide 44 replies

**Kuro** 1 week ago  
I doubt it. Honestly, how do we know you’re not lying, too?  
1.2k\--REPLY

**Pepperman** 1 week ago  
@Kuro haha, i get why you’re suspicious and all, but what he said about kaya is confirmed  
824\--REPLY

**merry** 1 week ago  
@Pepperman wait, what about kaya??  
169\--REPLY

**jaango** 1 week ago  
@merry ppl were trying to kill her a while ago? or they still might be? Not sure, it’s there if you search it up  
88\--REPLY

**Carrot9** 1 week ago  
dude!! yeah!! The goldfish poop island he mentioned a couple videos ago??? that’s in the NEWS  
1.9k\--REPLY

Strawhat Luffy 1 week ago  
c’mon guys! I dont lie :^) -Usopp  
4.1k\--REPLY

**Author's Note:**

> (edit 7/15/20: changed around the tiniest lines + just added some extra stuff to the notes that i forgot to mention lol)  
> 
> 
> concluding thoughts:     me @ me: formatting last time sucked, let's go with a different format this time  
>  my brain, completely ignoring my wishes: HOW ABOUT MESSING AROUND W/ THE FORMATTING IN A DIFFERENT WAY????  
> 
>     i hope...given the ungodly amount of time i spent formatting those last couple lines that it looks good, might not tho 'cause i used Bad programming practice and just brute forced it (inspect element ftw...j k that didn't help me at all :'()  
> 
>     this also turned out way more usopp-centric than i planned. i hoenstly thought this was still gonna be luffy pov, or nami pov, but writing usopp pov was lots of fun!!
> related to this au/extra info:     yes, usopp IS magical/has powers in this au: they're his "lies"-are-true powers from canon
>     i did not end up including this, but they do show up at chopper's to make him tend to their wounds (usopp and nami also end up apologizing for what luffy pulled), so some of usopp's worries DID turn out to be true. his paranoia is Valid.
>     the date of the yt vid says mar 3, 2020. im not sure what yr i actually see this being set in, i just copy/pasted it from a random yt vid i was watching bc the year is not quite where i put my thought into this au...im just here to write shenanigans. mar 3 comes from the op wiki somewhere, as do most of the other numbers (i am Uncreative, so i just search up characters on the wiki and smash numbers together if i need a number, or a name if i need a name)
>     anyway, i have a couple more one-shots planned. the others may be shorter or longer, i honestly have no clue, but next stop: alabasta!!


End file.
